Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Artisan Crafts / Hobbyist Member GeniusProgramFemale/United States Groups :iconizayaxmasaomi: IzayaXMasaomi
My favorite toy~
Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 593 Deviations 72,820 Comments 23,852 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Friends

Watchers

Groups

:iconphoenix-academy: :iconchikaxshito: :iconizayaxmasaomi:

Activity


So, I've managed to get myself into...well $6000 in debt. That's fine. I can  pay that back eventually. My problem is though that my Loan which consolidated Every card or debt balance I had...didn't cover it all. The bank didn't double check my math. I forgot to add one in and....now my Bank account is $800 in the HOLE. Ouch......

This means a couple things. I'm poorer than poor. No money for about a month. My next paycheck won't be big enough to even get me out of the hole, so I'm going to have to go through TWO paychecks to fix it. Then the next problem, no money for RENT or groceries. Good thing my parents only live like...45 minutes away. So If I'm starving I'll go there. Next problem, I owe about $70 for the hotel I have to stay in next weekend since it's a performance. I can't just say "No, I can't be there." because they are depending on me.

SO! Here's what I'm asking. Take a look at my photo ablum here www.facebook.com/media/set/?se… and see if there is anything you'd like. Also, if you have any photos that you would want as a PRINT let me know and I'll get it for you! Signed or unsighed, it's your choice. $7 per print, to cover printing and shipping. 

Thank you lovelies~
  • Mood: Worried
My Depression Story – You don’t have to ready my story. But please read the rest.
I don’t really remember when it started. More like a constant shadow following me for most of my life. My oldest companion, Depression. I suppose it started slowly and didn’t really hit until I was 12. I remember hating everything about myself. But I couldn’t ‘end’ it because I was too afraid of the pain. Which made me even angrier. I couldn’t even do that. But….to be honest, I’m glad I’m still here.
13 years old. I had become suicidal. My friends didn’t understand. They all thought it was just a thing I was going through. Even my parents. But when a councilor found a note that my friend (She wasn’t serious) and I had written, it all started to come to a head. She contacted me and I told her…it was real. I hated my life, I couldn’t be happy. I didn’t know what was up, what was down. Sideways, front or back. I was stuck in a constant state of self-loathing. She contacted my mother. I started seeing a Doctor. I was prescribed Zoloft. Something that shouldn’t have happened as it warned that it may increase or cause suicidal tendencies in kids under 18. Well…it did. At least, in thought. I tried to cut but I couldn’t. The knife was dull and only drew a little blood before I stopped. I hated the physical pain at that moment more than my emotional. Which…is probably what saved me. Or rather one of the things. My mother became worried. She instructed my sister to not let me be alone when she had to leave the house. Which I hated, of course. All teenagers do, but to me it was escalated.
I eventually told the doctor I couldn’t commit to not hurt myself anymore. I was admitted into the Psychiatric Ward in the local hospital. It TERRIFIED me. All of a sudden I was trapped. Significantly younger than anyone else there. And I couldn’t go home. My mother couldn’t even stay for dinner. Visiting hours ended and I was left there….with people I didn’t know. One was in for Detox, another for Depression….I can’t even remember anymore. I just remember barely leaving my little hospital room. I didn’t want to go out there and see those people. I didn’t want to talk to the nurses or the doctor who were trying to help me. Which…I suppose they did, or maybe it was how much I hated it there. I left after only three days, with new medication and a hard core sleep aid.

For a while it helped. I was sleeping all night. I wasn’t exhausted all the time. But then….the side effect kicked in. I gained nearly 60 pounds within a few months. I didn’t notice at first. Until….school picture day. I had unfortunately worn horizontal stripes which made everything look worse. But I was…fat. I was devastated. How had that happened? I used to be so skinny and suddenly I was fat. No wonder I barely had any friends. So self-esteem dropped dramatically, or what little I had of it. Back to self-loathing. I stopped taking my Depression meds because what was the point? It didn’t matter.

I don’t remember much else from that time. I guess I’ve blocked it from my memory, but I know I’m not over Depression. I probably never will be. I’m 25 and still struggling. Some days much worse than others. I’ve had thoughts while driving on the interstate. All I had to do was jerk the wheel just a little bit, and it could all be over. Or…it could only make things worse. How easy would it be to just jam a knife into my stomach while home alone and bleed out? No, I wouldn’t do that. I was afraid of pain. But you know what else?

I wasn’t just fighting for myself. I was fighting for my little baby sister. That was my wake-up call. She and I were so close while she was growing up. She was my baby. She slept in my bed for who knows how long. We even showered together until she was 9. It took me that long to realize that wasn’t normal by American standards but who cares? When I finally realized that if I killed myself, my precious baby sister would be the most likely one to find me. I stopped. Suicide wasn’t the answer and I knew it. I couldn’t do that to her. To my parents, to my small group of friends. To my family. So I stopped those suicidal actions. No, I’m not over it. I still get those thoughts every now and again but I never act on them.

I still get horribly depressed. I won’t leave my room except for work for days. Which I’m sure worries my roommates. But it’s how I deal with it. Sometimes it takes weeks for me to come back out. And sometimes the happy times don’t last long enough. But they are there and I strive for them. I try my hardest to remember that the good times will always be there. They will always out-weigh the bad. No matter how infrequent they may be. They are worth it. I will keep fighting.

FOR YOU.
For you. You’re not alone. You will NEVER be alone. Even if you feel like it, you aren’t. All you have to do is make it known. Let someone know that you need them. Say something. I don’t care what or how. Shout it out the window. Write it on the sidewalk. Throw it up there on Facebook or Tumblr. Someone will see it and they will help you. Whether they say anything or not. Accept that someone is trying to help you. Because you are important to them. Even strangers. Because they know how important you are to someone else. Talk to me. Talk to your friends, your family, the stranger on the park bench. You are not alone. NEVER listen to those negative people. Shut them out. They don’t matter, they aren’t important. The only opinion that matters is your own. They don’t know you. They don’t know your story. But you do.

You are important. You matter. Life would NEVER be the same without you in it. You are STRONG. You can do this. You may stumble and you may fall, but you can always get up. I believe in you. You are better than your depression. It doesn’t define you. It’s just a part of you and it’s a part that you don’t have to let be in control. YOU are in charge. NOT Depression. There will be hard times. There will be days that you feel like your world is crashing in around you. But it’s not. Just keep fighting. Keep pushing through until you can feel the sunshine again. Reach out. Seek help. Write it down. Get it out of your head then forget about it. Be grateful for the people who try to help, even if what they say doesn’t come out right. Someone out there understands. I understand. Sure, my depression may not be as bad as yours. But I understand how hard it is to fight. If you’re reading this, you’re still here and I’m PROUD of you.
Look at you go. You’re winning. You’re still here, you’re still fighting. You can do it. You can make it passed this and you CAN be happy. You can do it if you just keep trying. It’s a long journey, I know but you CAN do it. I’ll be there for you. Your friends, family, they’ll be there for you. Just keep going. One step, then another. Keep moving forward. You never know what will happen. Life is an adventure worth taking. Trust me. One day you’re going to wake up and realize…how glad you are that you’re still here. You’ve made it to that point. You’re strong, you’re amazing. Look at you go. You beautiful creature. You talented human being. You fantastic soul. I’m proud of you.

“Always keep fighting.” Jared Padalecki Campaign
“You are never fighting alone. Get up, get going. I’ll meet you there.” Monty Oum
“You are one step closer with each new day. If you can’t believe in yourself. Believe in the people that believe in you. If you can’t fight for yourself. Fight for those you care about. You’ll make it. I know you will. I’ll be waiting. We’ll do it together. I love you.” Noel (Miller) Chu. <3
My Depression Story and words of encouragement
Something I wrote after being inspired by Jared Padalecki's campaign to fight Depression and other mental illnesses. 

This is from my soul. Please, I'm not asking for pity. I'm just sharing a part of me I haven't really shared much of. It's to let you know you're not alone. I'm here for you. And to encourage you. There could be triggers so please be careful.
Loading...
So, I've managed to get myself into...well $6000 in debt. That's fine. I can  pay that back eventually. My problem is though that my Loan which consolidated Every card or debt balance I had...didn't cover it all. The bank didn't double check my math. I forgot to add one in and....now my Bank account is $800 in the HOLE. Ouch......

This means a couple things. I'm poorer than poor. No money for about a month. My next paycheck won't be big enough to even get me out of the hole, so I'm going to have to go through TWO paychecks to fix it. Then the next problem, no money for RENT or groceries. Good thing my parents only live like...45 minutes away. So If I'm starving I'll go there. Next problem, I owe about $70 for the hotel I have to stay in next weekend since it's a performance. I can't just say "No, I can't be there." because they are depending on me.

SO! Here's what I'm asking. Take a look at my photo ablum here www.facebook.com/media/set/?se… and see if there is anything you'd like. Also, if you have any photos that you would want as a PRINT let me know and I'll get it for you! Signed or unsighed, it's your choice. $7 per print, to cover printing and shipping. 

Thank you lovelies~
  • Mood: Worried

deviantID

Dusha-Soul's Profile Picture
Dusha-Soul
GeniusProgram
Artist | Hobbyist | Artisan Crafts
United States
One half of Eleph an Faerie Cosplay which can be found on facebook! Go like us and help support us on our journery!

I am a person who loves to create things. Whether it be in words, art, or sewing and crafts. I can always be found doing something. I love to talk to people and I am always willing to listen.

I am insecure but I'm trying and I'm improving.


Youtube page

Personal Quote: "What the Japanese origin?" "Awesome sauce in an epic jar."
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconglittapop:
Glittapop Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave on our Splash Free group <3 
Reply
:icondusha-soul:
Dusha-Soul Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
You're most welcome~ I loved it!
Reply
:iconglittapop:
Glittapop Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:heart: glad to hear C:
Reply
:iconb3aste321:
b3aste321 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday Beautiful ~

I hope you have a fantastic day and you're enjoying it entirely! :D

:iconsmilecakeplz: <-- Hope you enjoy this little present ~
Reply
:icondusha-soul:
Dusha-Soul Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Awww thank you so much~
Reply
:iconb3aste321:
b3aste321 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure hun. :)
Reply
:iconshinkan-seto:
Shinkan-Seto Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much for faving my CIEL PHANTOMHIVE COSPLAY!!!

:squee::squee: CIEL PHANTOMHIVE - Cosplay - Old Butler Tanaka by Shinkan-Seto :squee::squee:

Much appreciated!! ^o^
Make sure to check out my next uploads too, if you don't already watch me ;)
________________________________________________________________
for W.I.P follow t.co/dCujgGj6yL

fanpage :facebook: t.co/Ohkj2Ai6Qu :facebook:

WORLD COSPLAY t.co/vkHA7Z0Uhz ;)
Reply
:icondusha-soul:
Dusha-Soul Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Haha, no problem.
Reply
:iconyugamizuno:
YugaMizuno Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Hey...I need help...
Reply
:icondusha-soul:
Dusha-Soul Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
What's up?
Reply
Add a Comment: